10:09 a.m. A black calf ran amok in Creston.
"Ran amok"?? Are we sure it wasn't this lady....? (Seriously, click the link. It beats anything I've posted here so far!!)
11:39 a.m. Someone claimed to have found an open suitcase full of old clothes on Hubbard Dam Road. The supposed abandoned luggage turned out to be a pile of trash.
Suitcase full of clothes....pile of trash. Oh, the similarities...anybody could have made this mistake, right?
2:00 p.m. A mama bear and her two cubs exhibited normal bear behavior near the mailboxes on Lone Pine Road.
"Normal bear behavior"?? Normal bears would probably be trying to eat the mailboxes, I'd think.
2:36 p.m. One of the teachers at a Bigfork School did not enjoy the presence of a bat in the area.
Bat....as in "baseball" or "small blind flying mammal"?? I could see someone being uncomfortable with the animal-bat...but at 2:36 in the afternoon? Where was this bat? And if she was uncomfortable with a baseball bat, maybe there's some 'bizarre phobia' episode of Maury waiting for her...
2:20 p.m. One kid supposedly threatened another kid with a knife at an RV park on Helena Flats Road. Upon closer inspection, the weapon turned out to be a fingernail file.
Get back, or I'll cut you, ese. Or I'll give you a pedicure. You pick.
10:52 p.m. An individual on Whitefish Stage Road was alarmed to see something moving in the nearby willow trees. The mysterious prowler turned out to be a harmless domestic cat.
"Harmless"? Pah! Cats are evil...and this one was plotting something, rest assured.
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