Blotter 25: The Dog Whisperer, Dogs Gone Wild

First, a note from STPB: You may (or may not) notice that posting has been and will continue to be slower than normal for a while. I've recently moved way out in the middle of nowhere (about 3 miles down the dirt road featured in the blog's title photo above, in fact.) I am in the process of trying to rectify my Internet connectivity issues. I'll try to make updates to the blog when I can- but for now, please bear with me. Know that I deeply appreciate all of my 9 readers, including my dear mother...we'll be back to normal soon, I hope. Now, without further ado:

From the Flathead Beacon, Montana, Oct 30, 2009:

1:23 p.m. Someone on Larch Lane reports that a neighbor was beating their dog with a board. Authorities arrived to find that the dog had been attacking sheep, and advised the owner as to better disciplinary technique.

Gee....ya think? Confining the dog so that he couldn't get to the sheep must have been too hard. I'd hate to see this person's parenting technique. Kid getting into fights at school? Beat him with a board until he figures out that violence is not the answer.

These entries are from the same paper, but from October 28, 2009:

11:10 a.m. A pit bull and a golden retriever mix ran wild on Highway 2 West.

I like to think there was a camera crew and alcohol involved....and at some point, you just KNOW one of these dogs got drunk, rolled over & bared eight perky boobies for the camera.

Blotter 8: Dear Lord, Not the Dumpster! (And more, from lovely Kittitas County)

Kittitas County, Washington is definitely a gold mine for blotters:

-"People were reportedly using a Dumpster on Chestnut Street."
NO! Not the Dumpster! Oh, the agony! Won't somebody PLEASE think of the children??

-"A man reportedly assaulted a woman, got in his vehicle and then hit a tree on Salmon la Sac Road."
Okay, so the assault isn't funny. But the karma sure as hell is.

-"A 79-year-old Kittitas man reported the room was spinning and he had difficulty breathing."
Shit, I'd have difficulty breathing if my room was spinning, too!

-"Two pit bulls were reportedly lose and interfering with a yard sale on Washington Street in Cle Elum."
Damn Pit Bulls. They're all the same....they wake up super early and buy up all the good deals from the yard sales before anybody else can get there.

-"Two women were reportedly smoking from a bong on Seattle Street."
'But Officer, it was tobacco. I swear.'

-"A 46-year-old Ellensburg man reported having cold arms and legs."
Okay. Seriously? I can understand a 96 year old person calling 911 with this complaint. But 46? And the report doesn't state any underlying medical issues that would make this a concern?? Grab a blanket and shut your whiny mouth.