Blotter 26: Drugs are bad, (and so is public urination) mmkay?

From the Kittitas County Washington Daily Record, Nov. 13-17:

A person reported seeing someone smoke meth or marijuana on Sixth Avenue.

Somehow I picture whoever called in this report as an agitated senior citizen. And the actual conversation went something like this: "Them delinquent kids is at it again, down the road. They're over there smokin' that roofer. Or they're shootin' up that crystal mess...whatever they call it...the stuff that makes your pecker fall off." Generally speaking, the paraphernalia associated with each drug is somewhat different- you can't really smoke weed out of a lightbulb or off a piece of tinfoil. Not that I'm an expert on such things, or anything.

Meanwhile....
People were reportedly urinating on someone’s yard on Brooksfield Street.

A person reportedly urinated in someone’s yard on Main Street.

A 40-year-old man reportedly walked outside and urinated on Fourth Avenue.

Apparently it was Public Urination Day in Kittitas County, and these folks were just trying to get in on the festivities. Either that, or they are practicing for the big annual "Write Your Name in the Snow" competition that takes place in January.

And finally...
A person reported they believed their friend was being misrepresented on Facebook on B Street.

Because that's SUCH a good reason to get the police involved. God forbid their friend should fail to have anybody respond to their status updates, or have too few people accept invitations to his birthday party- the SWAT team might just have to show up!

Blotter 23- Restroom time limits for the homeless?

From the Kittitas County WA Daily Record, Oct 12-13, 2009:

A homeless man was reportedly in the restroom for 10 minutes on Canyon Road.

Hey, he's homeless...maybe he can't afford Metamucil or that fancy fiber-filled yogurt that makes old ladies shit themselves with brain-dead glee. (Seriously, click the link, it's funny). Homeless or not, can't a guy just sit down and drop a deuce in peace for once?

Is it just me, or does this entry deserve the "poop" tag too? You tell me.

Blotter 22- "They beat me up and stole my....methamphetamine?"

From the Kittitas County Daily Record, Washington:

A woman reported that a friend came to her residence and said people beat him up and stole his methamphetamine in Cle Elum.

Ya know, there was a time when a guy could walk down the street with a pocket full of crystal meth and not have to worry about having it stolen. In my day, bullies mostly gave out swirlies and wedgies, and then stole your lunch money. My, how times have changed.

A woman reportedly took off her rings to wash her hands, turned momentarily, and then the rings were reportedly stolen at Indian John Rest Area along I-90.

Wait...."Indian John" is the name of the rest area? Awesome. I never knew that, despite having been there. They named the roadside toilets "Indian John". That's great. A little politically incorrect perhaps, but great nevertheless.

Blotter 12: Maybe he was just singing "Kumba Ya"??

More from KV News in the Kittitas County area of Washington, Aug 28-31, 2009:

An older man was reportedly holding a cup and swaying back and forth on 18th Avenue.

Maybe he was just the first person in one of those "Hands Across America" chains? And was holding a cup until he could find someone's hand to hold. Ever think of that??

A woman was reportedly talking to herself while waiving to traffic with a beer in her hand on Manitoba Avenue.

See? She was probably just talking on her Bluetooth to the swaying guy, and on her way to hold his hand and sway with him. Sheesh, you people have a hair-trigger on calling 911, don'tcha??

A woman was reportedly screaming during a violent confrontation on Anderson Street.

Come to think of it, I haven't experienced many violent confrontations where the participants discuss matters in a calm, collected manner.

A 30-year-old heavyset man was reportedly riding a bicycle in the middle of the roadway on Main Street in Ellensburg.

Perhaps this was just his attempt to turn himself into a 30-year-old man of average height and weight. Leave a bike-riding fatty alone, at least he's not on the couch eatin' chips. SHARE THE ROAD and SHADDUP!!!

The power was reportedly out on Gee Whiz Road.

Gee Whiz Road?? Seriously? That's AWESOME.

Blotter 8: Dear Lord, Not the Dumpster! (And more, from lovely Kittitas County)

Kittitas County, Washington is definitely a gold mine for blotters:

-"People were reportedly using a Dumpster on Chestnut Street."
NO! Not the Dumpster! Oh, the agony! Won't somebody PLEASE think of the children??

-"A man reportedly assaulted a woman, got in his vehicle and then hit a tree on Salmon la Sac Road."
Okay, so the assault isn't funny. But the karma sure as hell is.

-"A 79-year-old Kittitas man reported the room was spinning and he had difficulty breathing."
Shit, I'd have difficulty breathing if my room was spinning, too!

-"Two pit bulls were reportedly lose and interfering with a yard sale on Washington Street in Cle Elum."
Damn Pit Bulls. They're all the same....they wake up super early and buy up all the good deals from the yard sales before anybody else can get there.

-"Two women were reportedly smoking from a bong on Seattle Street."
'But Officer, it was tobacco. I swear.'

-"A 46-year-old Ellensburg man reported having cold arms and legs."
Okay. Seriously? I can understand a 96 year old person calling 911 with this complaint. But 46? And the report doesn't state any underlying medical issues that would make this a concern?? Grab a blanket and shut your whiny mouth.

Blotters 4: A peek at small-town Washington State

I found several note-worthy incidents from recent days on this site, and couldn't pick just one.

Reported from KVNews.com,in the Kittitas County WA area, between Aug 13-14, 2009:

-"Someone reportedly found a small baggie she believed to be containing crystal meth on University Way."
(Damn. Best I've ever done, is found a $5 bill on the ground outside of an Applebee's.)

-"Iron bars were reportedly found alongside the road on Golf Course Road in Cle Elum."
(Iron bars? Golf Course Road? They wouldn't be golf clubs, now would they?)

-"Someone was reportedly shooting a gun in a field and shot two coyotes on Teanaway Road in Cle Elum."
(Here in SD, that's not only legal, but encouraged.)

-"Someone reportedly picked up another person’s walker and threw it around the residence on Clockum Road."
(Now that's just plain mean. Hilarious mental image, but mean).

-"Ten vehicles were reportedly parked in a circle with kids standing in the circle on Capitol Avenue."
(Damn kids. Betcha they was drinkin' that wine, and smokin' them tweeds, too. Wearin them clothes all half off their ass...what the hell's goin' on today? Huh?)

From the same county, August 7-12:

-"A man reportedly went to the counter of a bank and said “give me money” on Fifth Avenue."
(The cops were called because he failed to say "please".)

-"An airplane was reportedly trying to land on Airport Road."
(Well, perhaps they should consider re-naming the road to eliminate future pilot error.)

-"A woman reported that her boyfriend was driving too fast on Interstate 90 near Easton."
(She called the cops on her boyfriend- whose car she was riding in- for speeding?? Wow. Is there a Bitch of the Year award in Washington State?)

This is a call that came in to the fire department...but, erm:
-"A 51-year-old Ellensburg man was reportedly not behaving normally."
(At least he was apparently being polite while behaving abnormally, otherwise they'd have sent out the cops).

-"A man reportedly was standing in someone’s yard with no clothes on Mountain View Avenue."
(Why doesn't this happen where I live?)

-"A person who purchased some DVDs found meth inside one on 8th Avenue."
(Damn! Was it the movie "Spun"? Washington truly is the land of rain and crystal meth).