Blotter 14: It's funny because there's a monkey involved.

From the Flathead Beacon, Flathead Valley Montana, 9/4/09:

10:30 p.m. An anonymous caller claims that a chimpanzee beat him up and injured his dog at a Lakeside grocery store. The reporting party adamantly refused to disclose his name, and no such monkey could be located.

This is what happens when good monkeys go bad. I'll bet $20 bucks this is the chimp from "BJ and the Bear". He became disgruntled sometime in the early 80's when America became disinterested in the saga of a trucker and his monkey....and hit the downward spiral into prostitution, amphetamine addiction, alcoholism and finally beating up innocent people and canines somewhere in rural Montana. Such a sad fate for a cheery little monkey.

6:17 p.m. An oversized truck carrying some sort of a boiler blocked both lanes of traffic near an Evergreen sports complex.
10:32 p.m. Someone called from a wireless phone to report that someone was driving eastward in the westbound lane of Highway 40. Authorities could not locate the hazardous driver.


See? Apparently BJ the trucker has hit hard times as well....judging by these driving skills and the oversized load, I'd guess he's now driving for CRST's flatbed division, sans monkey. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

Blotters 5: Underachieving criminals, a Yabba-Dabba-Doo time....and a bonus, involving your uterus?

I know my blog has hit the big time- my first & only contibutor so far is my beloved Mother dear. She sends this entry from Halifax County, VA, dated Aug 13, 2009. She found the reports in a blog called Southside Central:

-"Dennis Howell, a delivery truck driver for Witt Wholesale, reported that while he was delivering cigarettes to Sunny Quik Shop on Sinai Rd. yesterday, someone climbed into the back of the truck while he was inside the store and stole 2 cartons of cigarettes. Seth Bowen is handling this case."

Let's think like a criminal for a moment. You're ballsy enough to climb inside a delivery truck to steal 2 cartons of cigarettes. Yet the average person is surely capable of carrying more than 2 cartons. C'mon, criminal...where's your ambition? Spend the extra 5 seconds & grab a few more. You can probably carry 6 cartons- 3 under each arm- and if you get caught, you're still below the $500 threshhold for grand theft!

-"W. D. Mclean, of 1200 Carr Lane, Halifax, reported that someone stole his dump truck, which he had left parked at Three Forks Grocery, on Bethel Rd. near Halifax, sometime Wednesday night. The dump truck is a red 2002 Freightliner, bearing VA license plates HA 10559. It also had Flintstone cartoon characters painted on the hood."

Once again, let's think like a criminal. Due to the economy, truck dealerships are overflowing to capacity. Resale value for large diesel trucks and truck parts is down- you're lucky if you can even sell 'em- even on the black market, I'd imagine. If you were a smart vehicle thief, you'd be stealing small fuel-efficient cars. But, apparently the lure of Flinstone cartoon characters was just too much for whoever stole this truck.

And here's a hilarious bonus- not a blotter, but a very important recall alert nonetheless:
http://www.southsidecentral.com/wordpress/2009/08/13/your-uterus-has-been-recalled/#
Apparently, there is a recall on plush uteruses (uteri?). Story of my life- ovaries fallin' off and presenting choking hazards for children and small animals.

On a side note, I've got something new on my Christmas list, a collection that'll go great with my GIANT Microbes. Plush internal organs!!