Blotter 8: Dear Lord, Not the Dumpster! (And more, from lovely Kittitas County)

Kittitas County, Washington is definitely a gold mine for blotters:

-"People were reportedly using a Dumpster on Chestnut Street."
NO! Not the Dumpster! Oh, the agony! Won't somebody PLEASE think of the children??

-"A man reportedly assaulted a woman, got in his vehicle and then hit a tree on Salmon la Sac Road."
Okay, so the assault isn't funny. But the karma sure as hell is.

-"A 79-year-old Kittitas man reported the room was spinning and he had difficulty breathing."
Shit, I'd have difficulty breathing if my room was spinning, too!

-"Two pit bulls were reportedly lose and interfering with a yard sale on Washington Street in Cle Elum."
Damn Pit Bulls. They're all the same....they wake up super early and buy up all the good deals from the yard sales before anybody else can get there.

-"Two women were reportedly smoking from a bong on Seattle Street."
'But Officer, it was tobacco. I swear.'

-"A 46-year-old Ellensburg man reported having cold arms and legs."
Okay. Seriously? I can understand a 96 year old person calling 911 with this complaint. But 46? And the report doesn't state any underlying medical issues that would make this a concern?? Grab a blanket and shut your whiny mouth.

Blotters 4: A peek at small-town Washington State

I found several note-worthy incidents from recent days on this site, and couldn't pick just one.

Reported from KVNews.com,in the Kittitas County WA area, between Aug 13-14, 2009:

-"Someone reportedly found a small baggie she believed to be containing crystal meth on University Way."
(Damn. Best I've ever done, is found a $5 bill on the ground outside of an Applebee's.)

-"Iron bars were reportedly found alongside the road on Golf Course Road in Cle Elum."
(Iron bars? Golf Course Road? They wouldn't be golf clubs, now would they?)

-"Someone was reportedly shooting a gun in a field and shot two coyotes on Teanaway Road in Cle Elum."
(Here in SD, that's not only legal, but encouraged.)

-"Someone reportedly picked up another person’s walker and threw it around the residence on Clockum Road."
(Now that's just plain mean. Hilarious mental image, but mean).

-"Ten vehicles were reportedly parked in a circle with kids standing in the circle on Capitol Avenue."
(Damn kids. Betcha they was drinkin' that wine, and smokin' them tweeds, too. Wearin them clothes all half off their ass...what the hell's goin' on today? Huh?)

From the same county, August 7-12:

-"A man reportedly went to the counter of a bank and said “give me money” on Fifth Avenue."
(The cops were called because he failed to say "please".)

-"An airplane was reportedly trying to land on Airport Road."
(Well, perhaps they should consider re-naming the road to eliminate future pilot error.)

-"A woman reported that her boyfriend was driving too fast on Interstate 90 near Easton."
(She called the cops on her boyfriend- whose car she was riding in- for speeding?? Wow. Is there a Bitch of the Year award in Washington State?)

This is a call that came in to the fire department...but, erm:
-"A 51-year-old Ellensburg man was reportedly not behaving normally."
(At least he was apparently being polite while behaving abnormally, otherwise they'd have sent out the cops).

-"A man reportedly was standing in someone’s yard with no clothes on Mountain View Avenue."
(Why doesn't this happen where I live?)

-"A person who purchased some DVDs found meth inside one on 8th Avenue."
(Damn! Was it the movie "Spun"? Washington truly is the land of rain and crystal meth).