Blotter 8: Dear Lord, Not the Dumpster! (And more, from lovely Kittitas County)

Kittitas County, Washington is definitely a gold mine for blotters:

-"People were reportedly using a Dumpster on Chestnut Street."
NO! Not the Dumpster! Oh, the agony! Won't somebody PLEASE think of the children??

-"A man reportedly assaulted a woman, got in his vehicle and then hit a tree on Salmon la Sac Road."
Okay, so the assault isn't funny. But the karma sure as hell is.

-"A 79-year-old Kittitas man reported the room was spinning and he had difficulty breathing."
Shit, I'd have difficulty breathing if my room was spinning, too!

-"Two pit bulls were reportedly lose and interfering with a yard sale on Washington Street in Cle Elum."
Damn Pit Bulls. They're all the same....they wake up super early and buy up all the good deals from the yard sales before anybody else can get there.

-"Two women were reportedly smoking from a bong on Seattle Street."
'But Officer, it was tobacco. I swear.'

-"A 46-year-old Ellensburg man reported having cold arms and legs."
Okay. Seriously? I can understand a 96 year old person calling 911 with this complaint. But 46? And the report doesn't state any underlying medical issues that would make this a concern?? Grab a blanket and shut your whiny mouth.