Sunday, August 16, 2009

Blotters 5: Underachieving criminals, a Yabba-Dabba-Doo time....and a bonus, involving your uterus?

I know my blog has hit the big time- my first & only contibutor so far is my beloved Mother dear. She sends this entry from Halifax County, VA, dated Aug 13, 2009. She found the reports in a blog called Southside Central:

-"Dennis Howell, a delivery truck driver for Witt Wholesale, reported that while he was delivering cigarettes to Sunny Quik Shop on Sinai Rd. yesterday, someone climbed into the back of the truck while he was inside the store and stole 2 cartons of cigarettes. Seth Bowen is handling this case."

Let's think like a criminal for a moment. You're ballsy enough to climb inside a delivery truck to steal 2 cartons of cigarettes. Yet the average person is surely capable of carrying more than 2 cartons. C'mon, criminal...where's your ambition? Spend the extra 5 seconds & grab a few more. You can probably carry 6 cartons- 3 under each arm- and if you get caught, you're still below the $500 threshhold for grand theft!

-"W. D. Mclean, of 1200 Carr Lane, Halifax, reported that someone stole his dump truck, which he had left parked at Three Forks Grocery, on Bethel Rd. near Halifax, sometime Wednesday night. The dump truck is a red 2002 Freightliner, bearing VA license plates HA 10559. It also had Flintstone cartoon characters painted on the hood."

Once again, let's think like a criminal. Due to the economy, truck dealerships are overflowing to capacity. Resale value for large diesel trucks and truck parts is down- you're lucky if you can even sell 'em- even on the black market, I'd imagine. If you were a smart vehicle thief, you'd be stealing small fuel-efficient cars. But, apparently the lure of Flinstone cartoon characters was just too much for whoever stole this truck.

And here's a hilarious bonus- not a blotter, but a very important recall alert nonetheless:
Apparently, there is a recall on plush uteruses (uteri?). Story of my life- ovaries fallin' off and presenting choking hazards for children and small animals.

On a side note, I've got something new on my Christmas list, a collection that'll go great with my GIANT Microbes. Plush internal organs!!

No comments:

Post a Comment